January 29, 2014
EXPANDING AND CONTRACTING
Above: Confession! This isn't even my desk / office space. I just felt like making a pretty vignette with my stuff. So I did.
The last six weeks have been strange.
First, I got engaged (read my side of the story here and Micah's side of the story here), which is wonderful! Now we're starting to plan what we want our wedding to look like. Guest lists, venues, money, bridal parties, money, food... it's been fun, and exhausting, trying to figure out what kind of experience we want to (and can) create. I'm starting to think having a wedding is less about the actual celebration, and more about the in-depth premarital communication gauntlet that is wedding planning. Don't get me wrong!: I think Micah and I are rocking it, and our wedding (whenever, and whatever, and wherever it is) will be amazing. But it's a new phase, and like anything new, it takes some time getting used to.
Second, Micah transitioned out of his advertising job in December. Much like when I left advertising, he wasn't unhappy per se – he just knew he could be happier. He's currently looking for something that will allow him to be as professionally invested in Durham, as he is personally. All that said – he's been home for the last month with me, and it's messed up my schedule in the best way. We eat all our meals together, and take walks around our neighborhood in the afternoons. However, I'm also the sole breadwinner right now, which means we've had to be really strict with how we spend our money. Again: we're rocking it, but it's new and different, and we've had to communicate with each other on a whole different level. It's hard, but good-hard. The kind of hard that signifies growth. So I'm grateful.
And finally, Kathleen and Jeremy had their son Fox almost two weeks ago. It hurts my heart to even think about how much I already love this little man, whom I haven't even met yet! I (literally) can't imagine the changes going on in that family, that house, and that woman. I can't wait to finally meet him, and catch up with both parents – but know this time is all about them, and their own good-hard growth. I also know I'm without one of my "safety nets" at work. The timing was actually perfect; Tara and Kathleen have been pushing me to the forefront of Braid over the last few months, and I'm just now feeling like I can really own it (check out the blog post I wrote today!). But still, 1 of 4 Braids out of commission for the next X months means more work for everyone. I'm comforted by the fact that some day they'll all be doing the same thing for me!, and that I have such an amazing opportunity to be super-creative, and super-productive right now. The kind of opportunity that signifies growth. So I'm grateful.
In yoga last week, our instructor was talking about the cyclical concept of expanding and contracting in the universe. Breathing in, and breathing out. Muscles pushing out, and pulling in. The seasons growing lush and fertile, then falling back into dark hibernation. Our lives laying calm and stagnant for a while, then bursting forth in a period of crazy growth. To say the least, I got it. I know it won't always be like this, cloudy and uncertain and too-bright and transitional. I'll look back at this time fondly from the future, when everything has settled down a bit – and maybe even feels stagnant. I'll remember how hard it was, but how productive, and ultimately good. And I'll be grateful.